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Husband Antics Posted by PEGASUS Jun 27 2006 11:21AM Mrs. Fenton, our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offenses over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras. MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares....and watched what happened. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror, and picked his nose. 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are. 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!" (And; last, but not least!) 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" lmao Posted by getoutoftown (VIP) Jun 29 2006 8:21PM Once again u had me rolling in the floor. My ex-girlfriend actually did #2 in a wal-mart at 3:00 a.m. looking for the loudest model available. Another great one Posted by Kaupanger (VIP) Jun 30 2006 10:09AM Still an avid reader of this column and getting a particular kick out of the frequent contributions from Pegasus. I feel sorely tempted to try all the above. ok i admit it Posted by purple_dragon13 Jul 2 2006 10:31PM i have done several of the above and i also admit to the following offences but in mitigation this makes me laugh and is payback for all the times i was embarrased going through the check out with a sreaming kid! Please also bear in mind i have 5 children 3 boys 2 girls who were all equally embarrasing as small children A)pressing every tickle me elmo in the shop and running away B)i admit that press me and try me toys have a fascination for me and i must press all of them one after the other then run away c)dancing (john travolta style) to the in house music in woolworths D) holding up the biggest pair of underwear i can find (46ff bras or xxx brown y-fronts) and saying " are these thse ones you wanted?" E)filling my trolley with the entire aisle of kotex and tampax when out with the boys F)asking my 15 year old loudly if this was was the batman suit he wanted G)loudly telling my 13 year old goth if she really wanted those pink fairy wings she would have to buy them out of her own money H) see g but insert 19 year old boy I) demonstrating said fairy wings with actions J) purposly putting sexy underwear for me in the trolley while out with any teenager saying "your dad will really like these!" H) i have rolled in the aisle at asda/walmart screaming and kicking saying "its not fair" mimicking my two year old G)having a "can you eat chocolate so fast that i don't have to pay for it?" race at the checkoutwhile the cashier is listening i would appologise for my sins but how much fun would that be? |
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